Sensing One From a Fractalized System Pt. 1

by nicjondon

A whispering feeling, let’s call it ugh, has followed me since childhood this eventually became the realization of a world at odds with itself struggling with a disconnected population of a spiritually un-evolved and materialistic human race. I grew up Catholic and a year or two before my confirmation – no free will there – I realized the scale and brevity this farce of a church was. This became an ardent truth after several sermons all of which were nothing short of glorified panhandling, “to update the church”. What irked me was the desperate gall of the planet’s richest and most corrupt organization to ask middle and low-class people for funds to support some form of asshattery. The parish sheeple forked over funds mired in desperation and fear while blindly listening to whatever lies spewed from behind the altar. These donations stem from, solely, from the desire for an eternity worshiping an ego driven god and fear of infinite fire and brimstone and maybe, likely, torture. Shortly after my brutal confirmation and I dumped the Catholics and went about my merry way with my companion of ugh. Renouncing Catholicism instilled no fear in me. In fact I found humour in hell as it would be heaven away from the fanatics and aimlessly blind infinitely indentured to their adoration starved God.

One Mind

Floating through life mostly being agnostic and one time or another identifying as an atheist and falling hand over fist in love with String Theory and such my trusty ugh stayed for the ride. I even attempted to rid myself of ugh with antidepressants which, of course, didn’t work. Lesson learned you can’t rid yourself of a discontent that you have 0 control over – I never invited the ugh in – it is simply the result of what I saw happening the world-over. Eventually and essentially over the past two years I have discovered a mountain of information as I dove head first into an exploration of what is and what isn’t.

Speaking of what isn’t, atheism never really felt whole (lol) to me and after reading some Hitchens and his ilk I noticed a familiar desperation – that of conversion. I noted several outspoken atheists to be attempting sway with believers – that is to convert believers into not believers – done through endless rationalizations. Apparently they find no irony in this practice. And so I have deemed these atheists as dogmatic – generally they expound science as the kernel to their non belief – albeit few are sufficiently knowledgeable to what said kernel entails. Many times I find comments from atheist stating how stupid believers are for asserting there is a God because no one can manifest this God into form so they may see with their own eyes this mystical beast. Because, as you know, seeing is believing. Last year I attempted to explain the soul to an atheist friend saying that consciousness could be reflected upon as something separate from you again and again forever – he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Just. Did. Not. Compute. Now technically I could write him off as stupid but generally just feel sad for people stuck in such a place as this armed with no hope. Believing in the unseen and unknowable happens all the time. Case in point – water vapor turning into clouds and rain – no one can see happen but we know and believe it does. So often the dogmatic atheists research is someone else’s because nobody thinks in the Information Age – they just do: Gravity is therefore God isn’t. Often times the kernel is just that trite – however widely accepted the Theory of Relativity is – it is not entirely solid and rather questionable. Ironically, Einstein, the theorist behind Relativity does not immediately discount a divine creator as he states:

“You may call me an agnostic, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth. I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being.”

I barely like Einstein but he sure knows what he’s talking about… sometimes. My apologies for this hounding but I do enjoy dogging on dogmatic anything and today it’s atheists and scientists.  Only because so many are too adamant of their postured ideas – puffing up their chest in apprehensive defense from the myriad of stupid beliefs. This whole idea is lost on me, “HEY I DON’T BELIEVE IN A CREATOR BECAUSE… SCIENCE!” I mean wasn’t the original point of science to help in discovering the mysteries of nature and therefore God? And yet here we are mired in a world dominated by scientists who refuse to crack their craniums and to see beyond their Kant bent minds because anything already not accepted in popular science must be treason. Or that seems to be the attitude. I find blind faith ridiculous and the fanatics are terrifying. Generally those of the Abrahamic faiths fit this bill and coincidentally seem to cause the most global distress. However – they did not create nuclear bombs and such.

Renouncing Catholicism instilled no fear in me. In fact I found humour in hell as it would be heaven away from the fanatics and aimlessly blind infinitely indentured to their adoration starved God.


But regardless my “ugh” feeling culminated into a yearlong search for what I rang as truth to me and one truth that I have come to figure is that organized religion is a deviant program implanted in the human mind, like a computer virus. And now it seems that certain academic pursuits are in their own way following suit. I never identified with the humanized old man-god – so ridiculous and misogynistic. I thoroughly enjoy this analysis of the Gnostic truth by Harold Bloom regarding God:

“If you can accept a God who coexists with death camps, schizophrenia, and AIDS, yet remains all-powerful and somehow benign, then you have faith, and you have accepted the covenant with Yahweh…. If you know yourself as having an affinity with the alien or stranger God, cut off from this world, then you are a Gnostic, and perhaps the best and strongest moments still come to what is best and oldest in you, to a breath or spark that long precedes this Creation.”

It amuses me to no end on how people consistently identify their beliefs as intrinsic to themselves – as if without them they would cease to exist. Never believe anything for face value and always question everything – sadly we’ve lost this practice. Lazy thinkers.  I tend to believe or find interesting anything which the Vatican immediately discounts/denies/dismisses such as the Nag Hammadi. Immediately one will find that Gnosticism is not misogynist. Which the big three of Abrahamic overtly are. The mechanistic/materialistic view and analysis of the world is what I knew to be the cause of my ugh because how could a disconnected perception of the world become the dominant view. Clearly it was the white devil – but why. Some truths came from a variety of sources and is still unfolding but the best of them are Gnosticism, Hermeticism,Thelema, and heavily Russellian Science and Urantia. Basically my God is absolute, motionless, silent, electric, infinite, formless, sexless, omnipotent, omnipresent, and from which all energy in the universe/s is derived. One way of looking at the energy of the universe is to think of the universe as a house – there is generally only one source of energy into a house – and the universe is our house. Walter Russell describes God as “The Still White Magnetic Light of Mind” and it’s thought of desire creates a frequency which divides the stillness itself into life as we know it. This is how the Creator, One, God, Allah, Spaghetti Monster, experiences itself directly. When it is divided, we get the motion picture universe of illusion. This illusion is what we find to be the duality and is vital to perception because without it there is no frame of reference. i.e. without evil we wouldn’t know good – etc. The duality is also a fractalization inward and outward for eternity – as above, so below. Inside all of us is a tendril of God and this is of God’s image – a reflection, if you will. So, herein lies some answers: many can and do get lost/fascinated by this fractal duality it becomes their only truth with its mechanistic and materialistic display.

Seeing beyond the duality is not easy and quieting the mind is even harder. Learning how was the only way to quiet the ugh, but that is for another post – in short: to be continued.